play music neither of us has heard

2009-12-31, Singapore

The decade has changed us. We ride the subway like zombies, staring into space while our earplugs sing us songs we know by heart. Back home, back online, we flip through the avatars of people we have not seen in years, if ever. In text messages, in status updates, we pretend to be profound, represent our emptiness as brevity and wit, all of us chasing that high of recognition, all of us wanting our cut, our spot in the culture, our drug.

I have been grounded by fear. Any one of us could be the terrorist. And though we fight against the extremes of opinion and tactics, isn’t it delicious how the mainstream, the everyday commute, the engineered food and plastic computer are killing us? It is a quicksand, to struggle against it just swallows us faster.

All I want today is to turn the noise off, sink into a couch and play music neither of us has ever heard. I want to consign the cynicism of the world to others, and simply walk with you a while. I want to stay up all night making stories for you and forgetting them. I want a rebellion of the one real friend versus the eight hundred, of the private moment versus the public, of the things loved and forgotten against the clung-to, of the sensed and felt versus the reported.

I want to get to know you through the music you love, the books that have changed you, through your most fleeting and foolish fantasies, and through my own five senses. I want to know the you who has stayed up too late, gotten too drunk, indulged in too many daydreams out loud, and is not worried about how she comes off. When the end comes, I promise I will not care exactly where we all went wrong.

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7 Comments »

Comment by caroline Subscribed to comments via email
2009-12-30 15:56:24

This is lovely.

I reached the end of my rope this year and quit Twitter and Facebook. It has restored a great deal of sanity to my days.

 
Comment by Marrissa
2009-12-30 20:33:43

This is my favorite thing Secret Vespers has offered over the years. Love it.

 
Comment by Pritoj Subscribed to comments via email
2009-12-31 01:08:26

Dude (or dudette)!!! this is the most amazing and thought provoking article i’ve read in a while……….

i try to listen less to those ear plugs and hope to quit or atleast reduce facebook soon:)

 
Comment by Theresa
2009-12-31 08:56:19

“It is a quicksand, to struggle against it just swallows us faster.”

Quicksand has no sense of humor. Love this, especially the second paragraph. :)

 
Comment by caroline Subscribed to comments via email
2009-12-31 09:11:50

Pritoj, the New York Times recently ran a story on ways people reduce their Facebook usage, including two girls who made a pact:

By mutual agreement, the two friends now allow themselves to log on to Facebook on the first Saturday of every month — and only on that day.

 
Comment by Ashiq
2009-12-31 10:35:15

wow.. Singapore? never thought this will reach my home country.. ;)

hmm.. being mainstream per se isn’t really wrong… as with purposefully always going against the majority…

it’s just… the.. “mass production” of “standard” people that’s quite a bother…

 
Comment by Hanna
2010-01-06 21:36:47

This may take the cake as my favorite lovesick. Thank you.

 
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