July 16th, 2008
None of This
Have you ever felt like nothing was allowed to be new or fresh or wonderful anymore?
Transcriptorial: None of this is new. None of / this is new. None of this / is new. None of this is / new. None of this is new.
that’s essentially what it feels like living here for the past 15 years. My fear is that it’s numbed me so much that even moving to a completely different environment won’t cure the monotony.
do what scares you most.
I feel like my life is a facsimile.
The problem with existence is that billions of people have done it before you. It’s a familiar fear. It started with my writing and crawled everywhere else in my life. One day I’m going to be shot during a bank robbery, look down at the blood pouring out of my chest, and think “how many other people have died this exact way?” It’s as comforting as it is frightening.
Nothing ever is. But it’s new to you at some point. Enjoy that because as you grow older there are fewer new experiences; not because they don’t exist but because we don’t take the opportunities. The tyranny of the urgent over the important keeps us in known paths.
‘Fortune, fame, mirror vain,
Gone insane!
But the memory remains…’
We have too much problem with people failing to remember what failures have already transpired. History repeats…
So go out and make your own newness.
‘Make your own cross, she told them from herself.
Make your own cross, don’t sit on someone else!
Don’t wait to be unburdened, don’t wait to hear the bell.
Take up your own cross and make it to the other side of hell…
Don’t die before you live…’
“Allowed”?
Who exactly I’m supposed to be answering to again?
yourself; the limits you set for yourself and your existence.
Yes, my life is just stationary and it’s not going anywhere because life around me just the same but life surround me is a mystery that i neglect to look out to. I’m just sitting here just want to be traditional as in go to school, find soulmate, have kids, and live until i die. There’s got to be more than life than a walk in the park.
Nothing will ever be new if one looks at it with eyes that have grown weary (or with a heart that’s not content and a mind that wanders off - always thinking he’d be better off somewhere else).
Very true. I think it is a problem with our times, we all think we’ve seen it all before, that the only things left are allusion, satire, deconstruction. Whimsy is too often undervalued.
These look like the scars on my leg. Some of them are new. None of this is new.
You are beautiful.
Sorry, Vee! I meant that as a reply to you! Too much caffeine!
Thank you. It’s taken a long time to see them that way.